ken's bars

fun fact: this is actually the hodge podge i originally wanted my blog to be, so enjoy

favorite outfits of the week:

i talked about this a little in the first kenny’s coded but i basically ran away from my fashion style once i got to college. and that’s not entirely true, you can see glimpses of it from freshmen year but i was very depressed so i didn’t really go outside, unless it was for lacrosse, very often. this year i’m just more self conscious… but for no reason? so i just need to like chill out and wear what i wanna wear. which now it has evolved into a jewelry centered look with a kinda minimalist/streetwear style for my clothes. slight problem though: i own none of the clothes i want to own and i lose all of my jewelry to my collegiate sport. so! we must work with what we have until God or a paycheck treats me to new clothes and accessories. this week i had my roommate pick me out an outfit while i showered. i normally ask to pick out her clothes for the day but i switched it up. i told her to give me something inspired by her sister bc it was her birthday. once i got out of the shower i changed the sweater but the outfit was v cute n bummy. 

we settled on a cream sweater that i actually bought off my friend’s ex a while back. shoutout to them both ig? he’s (the friend) like in europe rn… i should probably check in. anyways, my roommate lent me her pants which i love and have been eyeing for forever. they’re navy gray ish (i love the color) and flare. v relaxed. once i saw the pants i decided today i wanted to give nurse off duty… so i wore my dirty but precious little cream new balances. they’re 574’s and they’re dirty af. but i love them. for jewelry i threw on some basic mini gold hoops. they’re from target bc i lost my actual mini gold hoops in a snowball fight. still very upset about it honestly. i put on my chain but it’s yellow gold and the earrings are white gold so i ended up taking it off. my chain is from a boutique in atl. unfortunately i remember no details about her shop but her stuff was really cute and i was looking for a rope chain at the time. 

outfit was v cute, i had to roll up the pants tho because they are v long and i am not the tallest person in the world. i received lots of compliments, so i am content. can you tell i am extrinsically motivated, lol?

for my next act (outfit) i was really leaning into neutrals. technically i wore this fit earlier in the week but whatever. i have these jeans from h&m that i dropped a good $50 on. and lemme tell you. as a college student who independently supports her livelihood in the nations capital… that’s not cheap. but i love them. they’re flare, brown wash, silver gold and silver detailing, high waisted (sigh), and they tie with a matching string. i normally fold them over because they look ridiculous when worn high waisted and i don’t always love the big crouch moment but hey. this day i was really into it. so i wore those, with the long crouch. my jeans were adorned with a cream sweater (surprise surprise. try-to-take-cream-sweaters-out-of-kendall’s-closet challenge: level impossible (i have a million)) that i let hang off my shoulder. and then my roommate let me borrow her boston clogs. i was determined to make this a glasses outfit with my classic bun n messy homemade bangs, but it j wasn’t happening so i attached them to my sweater. 

outfit ate. she was adorable. i love the different shades of brown. i will probably wear my jeans like this more often. and also i need to buy more jeans like these because i wear them out. i did trip in the clogs in front of a class of middle schoolers and one girl laughed at me. i was literally the same height as them and i had to squeeze through an entire crowd of them on the sidewalk : ( sigh. can’t win em all!

spring music: 

i return to my good ole depressing mainstream indie music for spring! every time! i am loyal to her as she is to me. 

fun fact: japan by yot club was my depression song last year and when i listen to it i get intense flashbacks. sometimes good, sometimes bad. depends. 

i’m listening to vampire weekend’s new album right now as i’m typing this up, actually. i need some recommendations so if yall have some good upbeat indie songs comment, dm, text, messenger pigeon, wtv, just share! right now i’m in a alex g, mitski, beabadoobee, clairo, faye webster phase which is definitely on the more depressing side. but i have seen wallows and remi wolf in concert and had a splendid time. i also enjoy like saint motel, GROUPLOVE, tame impala, COIN, etc. you know! upbeat happy rock meets indie music. large emphasis on production with obscure lyrics. 

i asked my friend to give my some clairo recommendations this week and i ended up really enjoying: 

1. amoeba (live at electric studio)
2. bags
3. zinnias
4. hello?
5. 4ever

BANGERS OF THE WEEK:

CRYING ON YOUR BIRTHDAY BY MONALEO

I WAIT FOR YOU BY ALEX G

OTHER SH*T BY PLAYBOI CARTI

I LIKE THE WAY YOU KISS ME BY ARTEMAS

SARAH BY ALEX G

MARY BY ALEX G

THE PERFECT PAIR BY BEABADOOBEE

I KNOW YOU BY FAYE WEBSTER

TRAITOR BY OLIVIA RODRIGO

FAVORITE CRIME BY OLIVIA RODRIGO

suite nap:

as an only child there are a lot of experiences that i have 1000% missed out when it comes to family dynamic. however my suite does a pretty okay job of simulating a sibling experience and i have never been more thankful for these girls. i actually could cry because they are really my sisters. my roommate and i got close last year during second semester and we’ve been pretty inseparable ever since. we share clothes and have our breakfast routines memorized. we don’t argue too much but we share everything and help each other with everything. literally nothing is too personal or private in my relationship with her. we definitely do take turns bothering the mess out of each other. i am very grateful for her and everything she has done for me. which is more than she knows. especially for my mental health and grades (okay i have started crying). even for lacrosse we are essentially the same player character type but for different positions. 

i love her to pieces. she’s prob gonna cringe at this. 

my suitemate was paired with me as my stick sister (team mentor and bonding partner?) last year and she might be my biggest blessing from howard. genuinely. she’s basically my older sister (we have a 4 year age difference) but our bond is literally irreplaceable. i spend most of my days laying on her floor, bothering her while she’s trying to study. she’s the hardest worker i know and i admire her confidence every single day. she inspires me to be proud of my journey all of the time: there is so much pride to be applied to perseverance. also she will always advocate for me. no matter what. THATS MY GIRL FR. i don’t play bout her. at all. and we’re going on vacation together this summer… I CANNOT WAIT. we also never argue but we bicker more than me and my roommate. i love how honest we are with each other, no matter what. 

i say all this to say that this living situation might’ve saved my life. we all individually have struggled this semester in a lot of different aspects and we take time leaning on each other: taking suite naps together, going out to mini adventures, laying on each other’s floors, supporting each other’s all nighters, post game debriefs, etc. nowhere i’d rather be. i love these girls. 

untitled:

it was obvious from a mile away: you weren’t well

i rang your doorbell countless times to no answer

but anxiety has no etiquette, so i persisted

when you finally emerged, half the picture became clear

your attempt to swiftly close the door behind you was an adorable attempt to shut me out

but care has the sharpest eyes, so i saw

dark clouds were clearly visible on your ceiling, brooding, rolling and thundering

the wind was whisking around all of your furniture, and the curtains were hanging on for dear life

the baseboards of your home were splintered and appeared unstable

i could see your walls, they were leaning in and cracking up

and for a split second, amongst the chaos, i thought i might’ve seen-

“did you know your walls are leaning in? and your furniture is flipped over? there’s a storm brewing in there.” 

unbeknownst to me i had interrupted you

as always my sympathy was deafening

and for the first time your truth was quiet

“i’m just renovating.” 

you finally spoke clearly

what a relief, i would hope so! because it looks horrible? do you even know what you’re doing? just let me in so i can help.

but patience has the kindest voice, so instead i said

“oh, well i’m here for you. always.” 

i looked down and shuffled my feet against the floorboards, that now with a closer look appeared worn out

the paint was chipping

i rocked back and forth and listened to the wood creak

it didn’t use to do that

this place is a mess? 

and i thought i saw something earlier

“did you add something to the walls?” i asked, shooting my head up

but no answer, you disappeared

back into your house of chaos

and i can’t believe i didn’t hear the door close

your sudden absence was hurtful

rude and uncharacteristic

it left me searching for answers

disbelief took my hands and led me to the back of your once familiar home

i wanted to check on you, i think

i wanted answers, i know

you never use the back door

you said it was always locked, and i trusted you

yet it was wide open

with your absence, the picture was now complete

there was a storm, tearing into the interior and making its way to the exterior

but what was now evident was the decor

in the midst of havoc, you chose to hang paintings on your cracked walls

i was blinded by pain

betrayal led me home

with time as my teacher, i learned in isolation

deep down, anxiety knows to stop knocking

and care has a blindspot

patience overstays its welcome

and back doors are never locked

hard truths are often whispered

and your truths…

they’re hard to believe

– Kendall Marie

listen i haven’t written in a LONG time and she is def going to be edited but this is a lil rough draft piece. writing really helps me work through my super anxious moments. 

advice column except i need the advice: 

i am very burnt out. and i have stopped being super diligent about doing work early or turning things in on time (i still have like under 10 missed assignments) but i can feel myself getting into the habit of procrastination again. how in the hell do i do work when my mind is like somewhere else. recently i’ve had a couple moments where i want to do anything but complete something but i cannot find anything to motivate me to finish. i am starting to feel like i’m in a race and a rug is being pulled from underneath my feet, again. and i’m terrified. i think i’m going to try telling my suite about things that i don’t wanna do so they can hold me accountable. but seriously i am losing it. and i’ve having these little moods where i’m upset about nothing and it like causes my brain to j quit whatever i need to do. which is not ideal? so yeah. help appreciated.