ken's bars

Monday: so down bad i might start wearing my retainer. 

hey babes! today was a pretty productive day and i am really proud of myself. i keep feeling better and better by the day. i think im enjoying being single.. it’s literally been since like october 2022… so yeah a break might be what i need. i feel like i’m not clear about my practice schedule so ill try to like explain a little more? idk. i had practice at 6:45 and im learning a new position… im trying to be very kind to myself but it just feels like im running around with my head cut off.

after practice i went to breakfast and chatted with the girls, i had pork sausage, tater tots, cheesy eggs and a biscuit. everyone clowns me for the way i season my eggs but they’re literally hotel eggs. they need to be saturated in pepper in order to taste remotely good.

i got home, showered and got ready for the day! i love taking pictures of myself in the morning and there is nothing wrong with that. i made my bed for my roommate because i hate making my bed but for her, id do anything. i had classical mythology today and collected a hefty amount of extra credit points. and i talked in my history class!! yay! big win! after that i forced my friend to get pasta with me. they didn’t have the right tomatoes so i got my regular.

i made it home just in time for therapy. and im doing like really well considering the literal hell i endured last week. we discussed how horrible i am at doing household tasks. because i despise laundry, wishing dishes and making my bed… more than the average person. and i realized its because it feels like a lot of work and then i have to like do it all over again? like why is that. i know that’s such a primitive thought but like stay with me. i don’t like that i have to do hard things over and over and over again. i want to do the hard thing and then it’s over for forever. and i know how that sounds. and i eventually do it anyways. but it’s just like miserable to think about.

after therapy i met my teammates for dinner but nearly got blown over by the wind on my way there. and im not kidding. when i got home i did 3 loads of laundry and put away 1.5 (it’s the little things). i talked to my best friend, who has done such a good job checking up on me. honestly everyone around me has been great. i love you guys. by the time i finished it was midnight and i had to sleep. 

Tuesday: maybe 3 hours of sleep were accounted for

so for some odd reason i was jolted out of my sleep at 3:35 am. and then i realized it was because there was a little noise in my room. the little noise was actually my entire dorm’s fire alarm letting us know that someone didn’t know how to cook and instead of shutting off the fire alarm they went and told their friends to go ahead and start burning down their suite as well. resulting in the literal worst noise that could ever be emitted in the history of the world. so that was lovely. after that i had a little fever dream that my dorm was actually a swanky western hotel in the desert with a pool in the back. i really don’t even know what was going on.

practice was at 5:45 because we lift on tuesdays and thursdays. rise and grind girls. practice was pretty good, im getting better at my new potential position. lift was super quick, my roommate and i both have 9 ams so we have to hurry but we were late today so it was quite literally a track race. accounting was pretty good! i showed up earlier than normal so still late… but less late! after is business problem solving. i think i may talk too much in that class now. i need to tone it down cause i want to be perceived as smart and nice. not like pretentious freak? yk? just me?

after class i met up with my friends and got some work done before heading back to my home. when i made it home i warmed up my leftover pasta, put away my clothes, and tidied my side of the room. i was supposed to study with my friend later that night however i was literally like falling asleep standing up. i convinced myself to study chapter one of accounting while sitting in my suitemates room. we listened to music and basically chatted through our studying but at least i got that done.

afterwards i called my best friend from home and we talked for around an hour about random stuff. ALSO i forgor to mention. an ex lover of mine randomly followed me?? what does that mean… idk. would i ever go back… no. am i committed for the sake of the plot… 1000% i went to sleep around 10:30 in preparation for a 6 am practice. 

Wednesday: i still can’t listen to music 

no fire alarm last night so i got a good 7 hours of sleep! that’s really decent for me so i’m very proud of myself. unfortunately i woke up still sleepy. which quite literally makes zero sense but we ball. this week is my group’s week to set up and clean up the field for practice. i get the waters with one of the freshies everyday and im not gonna lie… it’s kinda therapeutic ? i don’t hate it at all. practice was a little unfocused today and this is the first time that our positive energy didn’t like make up for it so we did do a decent amount of running.

i got breakfast after practice with my teammates and then i headed home to get ready for the day. classical mythology was good, it’s always good. my professor is like the cutest person ever, i love her. after that i had history online but i joined on my way to the athletic support building. we picked our research paper prompts and im v excited for mine. it’s about black female business and entrepreneurship during the harlem renaissance! eek, right? anyways then i met up with my teammate who recently joined the team and we watched my favorite lacrosse game ever (2022 unc vs northwestern womens lacrosse semifinal game)!

i went home around 3 ish and attempted to clean my room but i kinda just laid in bed and chatted with my roommates for a little while. i met my teammates for dinner around 5:30 and then headed to the library to attempt my accounting homework. for some reason this assignment was like very difficult and i felt like i didn’t know the content enough to finish it… i got through 5 questions in an hour and a half… and then decided i needed a break so i walked home. after returning home i realized i had already completed tonights assignment… and i was actually working on sunday’s assignment… BRO I MIGHT JUST BE IN MY REDEMPTION ERA?? WHEN IS THAT LAST TIME IVE BEEN AHEAD OF MY ASSIGNMENTS?? LITERALLY NEVER. NOT ONCE.

also during my 30 minute bed rotting session i realized… i could be over it? like really over the boy. am i over the situation? absolutely not it still enrages me i can’t even listen to my study music properly i have to skip 4 songs every 2 songs istg. BUT baby steps! if i saw him on campus… i would definitely have a reaction but just like anxiety. we’ll cross that bridge when we get there. 

Thursday: everything sounds like genesis by grimes

good morning to the girls who crash when their meds wear off. today was an absolute grind day. started off with 5:45 practice, but today was the last practice before our scrimmage so it was really time to lock in on everything. like ask all the remaining questions and dial everything in. lift was kind of easy because we did a lot of stretching to prepare our bodies for tomorrow.

i was late to accounting obviously but like we’re learning new stuff and i am starting to realize i only had a pinch of understanding on the first 2 chapters and i need to go back and study them. i think learning the definitions of things like for real will help because there is a lot of categories with subcategories that have micro categories. after accounting i had business problem solving but today was the first day i was like confused? i realized i just missed a hint on one of the logic problems… so all is good.

after class i went to get soul food thursday with my roommate. i dropped an entire baby back rib on the floor in front of the cherry pie platter. like an idiot. luckily not very many people saw. surprising because normally soul food thursday is PACKED. then i got cherry pie and dragged my entire sleeve through it. basically i’m clumsy and i don’t deserve to eat. i rushed to finish and then met my friend at accounting office hours. we only had like 20 minutes to talk to him but i ended up getting to know another classmate. after office hours my friend and i walked back to my dorm to study with one of teammates who is a senior accounting major. we went through like half of a journal entry and then i crashed basically and went up to my room.

i got in the bed and talked to my suitemates, teammates, and friends who just came in and out of our room. i got up to get dinner with the freshies and my roommate around 8 and basically spent the whole night giggling with them before going back home and going to sleep!

Friday: the busiest mental health day of all time

today is a university mental health day which means instead of spending my day playing lacrosse and worrying about school i just spend my entire day worrying about lacrosse. i woke up and got breakfast with my roommates at cracked eggery. i ordered the mayor with added avocado and hash browns. and of course i got an orange juice. throwback to when i didn’t have to pay for my cracked eggery. sigh. BIG OLE SIGH! i no longer hold any animosity though. like at all. i want the best for him. so that’s great! i literally prayed so hard to get to the point where i could let go of all negative feelings (i don’t like being mad at people lol). it is what it is (i hate that saying).

i ate my food at home, watched barbie and relaxed until i had to report for film at 11 am. i’m going to take a big guess and say none of the people reading keep up with women’s collegiate lacrosse. but essentially they changed all the rules because a girl ruptured her spleen. so previous to now the game rules have been dedicated to making the game faster and now the game is going to be 30 minutes slower… after film i went back home, finished my breakfast sandwich and went to sleep until i needed to get ready for the game.

i woke up around 2:45 and got dressed. i put on a little mascara for games. i couldn’t tell you why it just makes me feel a little more feminine when i play. my roommate hates games and she was tired so her face literally killed me. warm ups were good and the weather was so good i changed to shorts at one point.

now the game. i’m going to start with the positives: we played like together as a team and i am so proud of us because that is crazy progress. mostly everyone seemed to be on the same page. i played amazing defense. lots of caused turnovers and i got a charge call. negatives: i could not pass the ball for anything. like it was always just slightly too high and then all the good work i had done was ruined. and it was very very frustrating. i got pulled out with like 5 minutes left in the 4th quarter. and it was determined that my stick was at the end of her life and now i have to get a new one and break it in before our game on friday. i was very disappointed in myself and i just wanted to see my parents. and i forgot how much it SUCKS to finish a game and not have anyone to talk about it with. like oh my goodness.

i went home early after i made my chipotle bowl. and got ready to get in the shower. while i was putting oil in my hair i accidentally got it on my roommate’s new ugg slippers. i felt so badly. and i still do like i lost my entire appetite. i actually wanted to hide them until i figured out how to fix it. but instead i just texted her and tried a remedy from the ugg website (white vinegar). she didn’t seem upset but i think i’m just going to buy her a new pair. after i finished i got in the bed while my roommates left to have a fun night. i was in the weirdest mood though and i talked to date boy for like 2 hours before going to bed. 

Saturday: eek!

i woke up at 7 am because that’s my wakeup time no matter how late i go to sleep. i tried to sleep in but i woke up at 7:33 so… i guess it was time to get up. my roommate returned from the freshmen’s dorm early in the day with cornstarch (another remedy from the ugg website). i left to go get breakfast with the freshmen and then ended up hanging out with them until 2 ish. i let one of them do my makeup and it truly makes me realize that makeup is so versatile and you can do whatever you want with whatever products. and made me realize that i need new mascara stat so don’t be afraid to provide suggestions. i have like a decent amount of lashes and they’re pretty long, i just want them to help my eyes look wide open. i love a good mascara look. i don’t know if you remember kim kardashian’s video (not that one) where she said she wanted her lashes to look like they had mascara on them. i live by that.

i took a FAT nap until like 6, showered at 7, and started to take out my twists cause the girls were hitting the town tonight! i’ve had my twists in for like a week and a half so it was about time but i think i am going to keep up the twists for the spring semester so that i can grow my hair out for summer braids. the getting ready playlist was 2010 bangers. i love that music so much and it’s my roommate’s fav genre. lacrosse is actually getting me right and this summer body might be sickening. stay tuned though.

going out is only fun when you have a large group of people and we ended up having 6 people so pretty good. we actually had a blast. normally nights out are a hit or miss but it was so fun! and nothing went wrong like… proud of us! and the twist out ate down! we ubered home and i was ravenous so we stopped at subway before heading home. 2 of the girlies ended up spending the night because it was actually freezing outside and they didn’t want to walk back (very understandable). we fell asleep shortly after stuffing our faces. 

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