ken's bars

super duper intriguing hook to re-introduce my blog after the longest hiatus:

wordpress just charged my card an insane amount, and it served as the perfect reminder that i have this beautiful website to be creative and free. this post contains some summer goals i have for myself, my perfected makeup base ingredient list, some of my media/reading consumption goals, and events both coming up and recently passed. please enjoy!

Goals:

independence: i have not been like alone and self motivated in a hot second. and actually that feels like a pretty vulnerable thing to admit because i used to look down at people who required extrinsic motivations to keep going, but here i am… using floaties in the shallow end. wow life is constantly teaching you lessons about your prejudice. deep deep down i just want to focus on myself and my own journey and pour everything into me. recently, i’ve had this itch like i’m just wasting a lot of my potential by staring at what’s behind me. and it’s important to grieve and learn from your past, but it cannot be a weight tying you to what is no longer meant for you. 

consistency: another thing i am bad at. yippee. this feels like a humility practice lol. i am not good at consistency, yet. i would like to practice this summer with my blog. there was a point in time where i was posting every week consistently and then i got thrown off course by whatever and stopped. i don’t want to make excuses for myself anymore because they end up turning into a safety net that relieves me of the harsh impact accountability is supposed to have on behavior. i believe that consistency for my blog is connected to ill time management skills and the self pressure of perfection. i want each blog post to be as cool as possible, but i typically force myself to finish most of the design work within a day because i don’t plan my topics in advance. see how there is a solution written within that problem. yeah me too. 

discipline: guess what? yeah, not great at this either. self-discipline is difficult for most people to practice but i am probably in the bottom 30%. i know like “student athlete” or “5 am practices” creates this illusion of control, but that is not the case. i want to be better about writing out my intentions and following them. hence, this blog opener… you all can help me stay accountable as well. thank you in advance. i have a community of accountability partners. so if i stay transparent and exercise integrity we should be all good (easier said than done). 

follow through: i also never finish anything. like ever. as my aunt likes to say “you’re a fantastic starter…” yeah and that’s it. i have grand ideas, and even start these projects/tasks with the right mindset. however, sustained determination is not my friend. when things get hard i have a habit of telling myself that i am the only person keeping me from having fun. and then i kinda just… give up. so i would like to work on finishing things this summer, starting off small with book series or shows and then hopefully it will transfer over to harder tasks. 

so there, i fess up. i am still far from perfect but i am excited to work on bettering myself in a new environment, it’s a great excuse to start new with healthy habits. 

Summer/Birthday Wish List: 

• new jewelry set: i really want a pandora bracelet. like it’s almost a need not a want. i just want the charms to jangle around my wrists when i’m typing yk? after the pandora bracelet i have to get like a matching necklace set… and i just need to find a gem/stone that will kinda fit into “my brand” i know that’s like very marketing major of me to say and it sounds exaggerated but seriously when i think about decisions in general i heavily consider who i am internally and how i want to present myself externally. it’s actually a pretty smart grounding exercise.
• a nice cute new pairs of mules: this also somehow falls into the need category… i really think it’s the perfect summer work shoe? a slingback kitten heel meets a loafer? it’s especially perfect because my dress code at work is pretty laid back. i have been eyeing the most gorgeous pairs on pinterest and salivating over my laptop. 
• new bible: NEED. i have been talking about getting a new one for FOREVER. i just want something kinda girly and then a devotional notebook to go with it. that way i can focus my reading and deepening my relationship with God in a more structured manner, yk? i just don’t really know where to look… i think it’s more about getting a bible cover compared to an actual decorated bible. 
• new purse: mmk so this is less of a wish list i’m sensing… but i am looking for a tote and a shoulder bag. tote is for work. i kinda wanna mog on my first day? naturally? look good, feel good and i start the day after my birthday? might as well stunt. jk kinda. i just want a durable tote to hold my laptop and corporate dreams. and then i want a shoulder bag to carry my lipgloss, id, and night-out dreams (having fun). 

pinterest links:

stones on my neck (jewelry stacks)

eye bags (bags i’m eyeing)

Base ingredients: 

bow. i have finally done it. my base has been perfected. the last test i really needed was the gainesville heat and my base passed the test! LETS GO!!! 

primer:

laura mercier pure canvas primer or elf power grip primers (i use the matte once specifically but i like the niacinimde one as well) 

foundation:

(personally i enjoy a light to medium coverage buildable foundation… so these products can be mixed with an actual full coverage face product if that’s what you want) christian dior forever skin glow foundation… (OMG BEST THING I HAVE PUT ON MY FACE I LOVE IT. PRICEY BUT SO WORTH IT) or for a cheaper alternation the elf halo glow liquid filter works lovely

concealer:

hourglass vanish airbrush concealer… (absolutely gorgtastic… the formula feels rich and creamy… the applicator is incredibly soft) and a black radiance pressed powder that matches my concealer to set it. 

bronzer:

(BIG SHOUT OUT TO BLACK DRUGSTORE BRANDS) black radiance contour palette 

blush:

elf putty blush… shade caribbean (i think… it is so worn down that i cannot be 100% sure but that’s what it looks like) 

setting powder:

one size translucent powder (1000% the best setting powder ever) and laura mercier ultra blur pressed powder… (so so so stunning… i would say for more blur go laura mercier, and for the best oil control go one size)

setting spray:

one size on till dawn mattifying setting spray and the charlotte tilbury airbrush flawless setting spray. (these can be used separately or together because they kind of serve different purposes. charlotte: blends all those powders with liquid products beautifully and helps bring your makeup to life… you are air bushed and it’s like your makeup is at the best stage of the night after a couple of sprays, however she may transfer. one size: makeup will not move. locked into place. not going anywhere. little to no transfer. and my t-zone is controlled.) if i use only one size setting spray i use a little less setting powder and i wait a couple minutes for my skin to warm before pulling out my camera. if i use only charlotte tilbury, i make sure to really press in my setting powder and i might even go over the setting spray with some laura mercier powder afterwards. 

mascara:

thrive mascara, hourglass mascara, kush milk mascara, or essence lash like a boss mascara. (all of these are great mascara’s that i have used along my journey… i started with kush, moved to essence, then thrive, and finally i use the hourglass one currently. most of them are pricey but i love them all a lot. ps: the cheapest one listed is the first time someone asked if my lashes were extensions.)

brows:

NYX brow glue (my brows like to curl at the ends… i need them to be STUCK down)

applicators:

shout out to real techniques concealer, bronzer, and occasional foundation brush

the sephora brand powder puff are chef’s kiss

the elf blush brush is one of my favs 

Reading List: 

• Iron Flame (Fourth Wing Series)
• Onyx Storm (Fourth Wing Series)
• Shadow and Bone series (trilogy)
• Six of Crows series (2 books)

Watch List: 

• Hunter x Hunter
• Shadow and Bone
• New Girl 

Zack Fox: 

i saw zack fox’s dj set on saturday and i did have a lot of fun but i was severely unprepared. my friend and i both exercise pretty often (he runs marathons and i am a college athlete), so we both have really terrible knees, ankles, and hips. i totally underestimated how much standing we would be doing. we definitely got there too early and my bedtime is like 10 pm. so i was very sleepy. the set was like spectacular. i need a petition for more black electronic dj’s. this is reminding me that i used to own a dj setup that i never used. sigh, wasted potential. i was having a very difficult time figuring out what to wear because i was thinking people would be in rave fits… which to me looks like an african net sponge and some stickers… maybe a glow stick as a hair accessory. i ended wearing a pink bodysuit and some jeans. incredibly basic but i was comfortable. 

Birthday fit:

another event i am incredibly ill prepared for is my birthday 🙂 i am thrilled for it. BIG 21 !! but i am so broke it hurts rn. i don’t like to rely on others for money out of necessity if that makes sense? like i will gladly accept a donation but i don’t like feeling broke. i typically work around 2-3 jobs when i am home for the summer, but i am unable to do that this summer because i have a great internship.. so while i am waiting on my start date… i am running out of funds quickly. when i am busy and employed i love treating myself at the end of the week with a shopping trip or a mani pedi… like it’s so nice to feel independent. but, i need to place my deposit, get my braids redone, get my nails done, and purchase a birthday outfit… all before the 31st. and i hope no one forgot that part of this paragraph where i mentioned how much money i do not have. this is the worst.