ken's bars

Monday: i want to combine the feeling of listening to a really good song for the first time with the confidence of knowing all the lyrics to your favorite song

when i made it home i talked to my suitemate and laid on the floor. sometimes you just need a second… to regroup… before you get up… i got ready and put on my makeup during my mythology class. all of my classes were online today but i still went to study hall just to knock everything out even though i really really wanted to get in the bed. i have really good momentum right now and i don’t want to ruin it by taking an off day. 

i got home to the cutest surprise everrrr. my suitemate’s boyfriend got me and my roommate’s roses : ) how stinkin CUTE! i climbed into bed and rested until it was time to get up and meet the freshies for dinner (it’s a routine now). we obviously spent way longer than intended at dinner because we are a giant group of yappers. my roommate and i walked home while singing and dancing to natasha bedingfield’s discography. as normal girls would do. i finished up my evening by studying for accounting, searching for internships, doing my laundry, making my bed, and showering. 

Tuesday: i fear this event will turn me into a menace for the foreseeable future

i woke up sick. not like sick sick but you know if one were to hypothetically sleep facing their fan. i’ve got a similar kinda situation over here. 

it was freezing during practice and we did an ungodly amount of conditioning. i used to enjoy tempo runs but now idk… they feel like the grim reaper himself is knocking at the door. we had a very quick lift after practice and my regular lift partner rolls her ankle so she wasn’t there to make fun of me. then there was this whole shoe debacle. essentially the shoes i put on for lift were not mine. and i knew they weren’t because my big toe was doing contortion tricks. turns out 3 of us switched shoes… but it took us a good 30 minutes to figure out who was wearing which pair. 

after lift i sprinted to my dorm to change and make it to breakfast on time. i ate with my teammates and she headed to accounting ON TIME! LETS GO YALL. basically i should be teaching at this point. accounting was great, we reviewed a little bit before starting chapter 4, which is the last chapter we’re learning before the exam. after class i went to business problem solving and we quite literally only got through 2 questions before class was over. we have yet to have serious homework in that class and i think that’s because we are really engaged. i actually don’t think, that’s literally what he said today. 

after class i booked it home to eat my leftover pasta, shower, and answer some emails before committing the worst sin known to man (i napped). i literally didn’t want to wake up. the nap was supposed to be a good 20 minute power nap. and i got up an hour and 15 min later. praying it doesn’t effect my sleep schedule. 

when i got up i organized all the internships i researched into a master doc and completed my psych assignments. after i finished that i drank a protein shake and gave myself a sweet treat for doing my psychology because i really didn’t want to do it. then i got back in the bed and relaxed until i forced myself to study for accounting. which i really had zero desire to do. but i did a sample unadjusted trial balance problem before calling it quits. 

guys i think i’m in a place where i just want to like flirt for fun and pursue nothing serious like AT ALL. nothing even remotely serious. until like summer. which i think is healthy… i only really text boys like 3 times a day max because i’m BUSY, yk? and like healing and all that other stuff. 

Wednesday: 400 steps forward and 100 steps back

i woke up sick sick. like no jokes and zero games. but we have a game on friday that i would like to start in so i took some tylenol and made my way to practice. i was using my third stick in three days of practice… because the other ones weren’t good fits but this one was actually much better. we had the quickest lift of all time afterwards. our lift coach cut down our reps because we have a game and obviously we can’t play sore.

i went to breakfast after lift and then hurried up home to shower because the meds starting wearing off and i began to feel like a crumbled up wet paper towel in a sewage drain. my first class was asynchronous and i did not make it to my second class (i emailed to notify him of my absence). i was quite literally in and out of sleep while watching noah loyden’s tik toks. i made it to my 2:10 psychology class and we talked about will smith’s emotional guard for a majority of class time. right after class i fell asleep and missed my meeting with my mentor. when i woke up i realized i was actually sicker than i thought and i needed the heavy duty stuff… aka the v dangerous dayquil x nyquil 24 hour rotation. i texted my mentor that i was sorry because truly i feel horribly i had just been in and our of sleep the entire day. i fell back asleep afterwards and forced myself to get up and go to dinner around 5 ish because i was already losing weight before i got sick and i know that this is going to make it worse. 

i didn’t even have an appetite at dinner so i barely ate and when i got home i had to complete my accounting homework and it was quite literally so difficult. i wish i took a picture but also i only would want my mom to see me in that state and she did actually i facetimed her while i was struggling. i was propping my head up on a pillow and leaning my side against the wall while slouching on my bed. trying to complete questions on a chapter we just started. as soon as i finished i took nyquil and went to sleep. so i was asleep by 9 pm. naturally. as any young girl at a party school would be. 

Thursday: coming to terms with the fact that i will never come to terms

funny thing about grief (permanent separation, not death) is that every time you think you’re over it… you’re actually not… cause the more i think about the events that occurred to lead to where we are now… the more angry i get. and that’s okay. i will forgive eventually. and i can feel it coming. maybe just not as soon as i thought. and that’s okay.

we had a walkthrough practice this morning followed by a team stretch and roll out session. our trainer put on sza and let me tell y’all i related more than i needed to. love my girl but i fear we’re connected in more ways than i originally thought. 

after practice i went to breaky with the team and for some reason i like forgot i had class or something because i was taking my time, eating slow and everything… as if i didn’t have to run back to my dorm and get ready before class. on my way back to my dorm i called cvs and my doctors office to make sure i was okay to mix my meds with dayquil and everyone said yes i was good so i expected to be totally fine… i indeed was not. i made it to accounting and fell asleep. DURING EXAM REVIEW. i’m so heated. like soooo heated. i couldn’t sit up or pay attention i was super super drowsy. so… i mean now i know but sigh. 

i went to the athletic support building after class and complained about the situation like 9 times because i was still drowsy… i couldn’t like figure out if i had talked about it already. while i was in there i ran into my friend on the soccer team and chatted with her for a couple hours while sending an email to my other professor that i would not be making it to class. 

i left the building and headed home to eat and chat with my suitemate before she had class. once my suitemate left i showered and got ready to study with my roommate and then trotted over to the library to get some work done. i wanted to get as ahead as possible because we have a game tomorrow and my parents are coming to visit. for some reason i was super unproductive though? it took me almost 2 hours to write a 300 word response… so maybe this just wasn’t a productive day. i just finished every immediate assignment and went to meet the freshmen for dinner. only 2 of them came and we just talked about first game jitters and what we were excited for and nervous for. 

during my solo walk home i phoned my best friend and we talked about his upcoming mountaineering trip and he just let me blab about whatever. when i got home it turned into a group facetime with my mom. we talked until it was time for us to go to sleep and i headed to bed. 

Friday: GAME DAY

this is my first game day walkthrough with yall! i got up at 7:30 and stayed in bed until 8:15 ish. breakfast report time was at 9:30 so i took my time getting ready and making sure i had everything i needed. the weather was super nice and for that i was extremely thankful. TROPICAL SMOOTHIE FOR BREAKFAST! let’s go!!! i get the mango magic with the peanut butter granola flatbread. breakfast was delicious but everyone agreed the smoothies were more sugary than normal. my stomach started cramping really badly after eating which has never happened before? typically trop smoothie makes me feel really full, sometimes heavy but never crampy?? interesting. 

we were playing at george washington so only a 30 minute ride to the field. the locker room was teeny tiny… it looked like it was for a tennis team instead of a lacrosse team but we made do. i went out early to pass around and saw my parents!! love them. i led stretching during warmups and we did drills for like 40 minutes. GW had a fire warmup playlist. like the best i’ve heard at any school we’ve played at. then it was game time! i started, but they got my position wrong and they didn’t announce anyones hometown which was sad. idk why i like to hear it so much? 

okay game over lemme debrief with y’all. i would say howard lacrosse is in a building stage for SURE. we have newish coaches and they’re working really hard to turn the program around. and even though it’s my sophomore year i can definitely feel the difference from last year to this year. i say all this to say we lost. defense had a stellar game. i played the entire game. attack really got around to playing comfortable street ball and not relying on plays. everything came together in the end which gives me infinite hope for the seasons to come. idk maybe i’m just optimistic. 

i went to get in bed but shot up when i remembered i had psychology assignments due. i went to get some encouragement ice cream before starting so i was extremely bloated in bed trying to do this psych quiz. i got an 100% on the first one and thought i’d finish the other one quickly too but i literally got a 67. that was almost my last straw. but i retook it, got a 93, and threw myself underneath the covers.

Saturday: the way things go by BEABADOOBEE (say it like jimmy fallon tho)

BEA-BA-DOO-BEE! good morning we literally had practice. normally we wouldn’t but we have a game on tuesday… so no rest for the wicked. we started with film which was pretty critical but i think that’s because we only had a few things we really truly messed up on. we had actual practice after film and it was a really quick intense practice. everyone was playing at speed and the energy was still really high. proud of us. i told everyone about my upcoming trip to the spy museum because i was really excited to go. 

i rushed home after practice, showered, grabbed a bag, and did the quickest makeup of all time. i called my lyft a little too early but he was super chill about it. we had a great conversation on the way to the museum about his high school classes and sports. loved him, 5 stars! 

we went back to the hotel and unloaded all luggage before getting something to eat. my parents were staying at the morrow hotel by hilton. they stay at that hotel a lot and it’s super cutie! the resturant attached is french themed and they just recently opened up a rooftop bar. 

we went to the market down the street and ate birria tacos while listening to a children’s percussion performance… it was surprisingly decent! after lunch we passed out in the hotel and my dad and i refused to get up so i had to spend the night. it wasn’t in the initial plan but i wasn’t complaining. only thing is our hotel room is right next to the train tracks. and by train tracks i mean the amtrak, metro, and actual train tracks. all of them. 

also great time to mention i’m on good terms with my ex again lol! not the most recent one. the one before that. and lowkey it’s like funny asl. we’re definitely not meant to be together but we are still relatively compatible opposites if that makes sense? wtv. 

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